all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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