I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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