Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
