insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
