You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I didn't notice because vodka
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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