I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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