Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
