If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
