I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
