I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
