Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize