Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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