I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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