I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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