turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize