Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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