you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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