haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
