WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
