hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
