i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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