we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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