you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
