my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
