I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
