Plan B is the new Plan A
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
