Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
