it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
