The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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