Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
