yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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