so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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