I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
