ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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