I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize