it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
