Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize