ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
