Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
