oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
