So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
