you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
