you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
