mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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