I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
