he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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