wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
