You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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