Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
