Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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