hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
