You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
