there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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