She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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