There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
