Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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