dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
