If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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