There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It's Friday. Sex?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
