By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
