u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize