Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
