Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
