o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
