I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
