Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize