As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
