My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
this is an emotional support booty call
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
