Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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