I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
