Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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