We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
