I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
