Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is classic penis vs brain.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
