She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
