Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
