I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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