sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
