I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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