Sponge bath it is.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
