Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
