He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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