She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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