Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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