people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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