Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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